I met Tom Markham in the spring of 1973 when my good friend and fraternity brother Scott Havsy recruited me to visit the TKE fraternity house. I was on a football scholarship and had become disillusioned with living in the football dorms for a multitude of reasons. So upon taking Scott up on his offer, I went to the fraternity and the first two people I met were Dennis Lingle and Tom Markham. I kinda knew pretty quick after meeting them that I wanted to be at this place. But little did I know that Tom and I would remain close for the rest of our lives and have a very emotional conversation when he was in his hospital bed close to death.
In my life up to college, I never intentionally tried to be friends with anyone. I just was myself and if it was meant to be then so be it. If not, then oh well. But with Tom, it was different. I really hoped we would be good friends because there was just something about him. Virtually one of the most intelligent people I ever met. I think we all know that, and I do believe Southern Bell/ATT security department will vouch! But then in fall 1975 when Tom was supposed to come down for beginning of classes he called and told me he would be slightly delayed because he had a mole on his leg and it had gotten infected and they had to remove his lymph nodes. Nothing major according to him, just a small delay and he would be there ASAP. I wasn’t in the medical field then as I am now, but it didn’t sound good even at the time. And now being in the medical world I really know how serious it was back then. So I decided to go see him up in Connecticut. Lied to my mom, as she thought I was going to Miami. We had a great time up there for about a week. Played some basketball, downed some brews with his friends Kevin McDonaugh, Sully, Jay, and Tim Markham. But Tom did complain to me a little about his medical condition. Said he felt more fatigued now, had less immunity to disease. But he was full functional.
After leaving to go back to Miami, it would not be until the early 80’s before I saw him again. We had pretty much lost touch. But when he came down for a business trip to Miami 80-81, it was like we never lost a step. Had a blast. ONE SOUTH all over again for ole time’s sake. Even my late best friend Alan Baxter commented to me how he could see what a close bond we had. I never hugged guys back then, but I did Tom whenever we would depart. We were bonded for life despite the lack of living proximity. So as the years went by we would "catch up" every now and then, but very infrequently.
Fast forward to 2014 where we talked extensively a few times and he would bring me up to date on everything in his life (and vice versa) and how much he would love for me to take a trip up to Maine where he was now living. Unfortunately, I never made the trip and now regret it deeply. I should have made the time because I really wanted to see him and knew his medical condition was deteriorating and that there may not be a lot of time left. I am presently a hospice nurse and see these things every time I go to work. So I am so very happy that Scott Havsy and I regularly communicate, and am eternally grateful to him that he got me in touch with Tom a few months back. I called Tom at the hospital but little did I know that this would be our last conversation. The dialogue was very emotional for me because this was the first time that I had seen any notable mental impairment. It was hard for him to put sentences together but one thing that will live forever in my heart is that he told me how this was one of the best days of his life to be talking to me at this time. Words cannot express how moving that was and will always be. So despite all that was going on with him medically/mentally we were still able to share a few stories and have some laughs.
So after having laughs and tears, Tom and I planned to talk again when he was feeling better, and maybe we would still work on that trip. Especially since I had reduced my work hours. But sadly that day never came to fruition.
In closing, I’m so moved by these tributes from everyone for our fallen brother Tom Markham. May you rest in peace buddy. Your loyal friendship will live forever in our hearts. We love you!!
Bob D, R.N.
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